Forgiveness

I’ve been tryin’ to get down
  to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
  and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness

Why is it that one is so hard at times?  I have been known to ,once or twice, tell God that I didn’t want to forgive, I wanted to hang on to my anger.  If I gave it to Him, then I couldn’t stay angry any longer ~ at least if I really gave it to Him. 

 I was a little surprised to see the subject of forgiveness come up in our study of Revelations, I mean isn’t that all about Armageddon and end times? I always love when you can peel away another layer of depth to scripture and glean a whole new meaning and understanding.

When Jesus is talking about the Church in Ephesus in Revelations 2 He commends them on a few things, but then He brings up an issue He has against them: Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love.  In the bible study I loved what Beth Moore had to say “You will hang on to our forgiveness or you will hold on to your first love.”  That first love being Jesus.  Now I think about the times that I said “I love my hurt and anger more than I love you God.”  Oh sure, I was more than justified to have the anger, someone had wronged my children and I am as bad as a mother lioness when it comes to protecting my children!  I have been able to forgive things that have happened to me, but it is so much harder for me to forgive when someone has hurt, physically or emotionally, one of my girls.

But then, another point was made in this study, “Forgiving is not for the other persons sake, but for ours. When we forgive we send it forth (the actual hebrew translation is send it forth) to our God who is merciful and vendictive.”Okay, so I admit, I feel a lot better when I am not carrying around the weight of my “unforgiveness”.  I know at times I can really let it consume me, and I must admit, life is so much easier when I let it go ~ send it forth.  But wait, I send it forth to God and He deals with the ‘wrong’ accordingly.  It is His call on whether to be merciful (because He does have the whole story) or to be vindictive. 

So I go to scripture to take comfort for my children, “whoever would harm one of these little ones, it would be better for him if he had a heavy weight fastened about his neck and be thrown into the sea” (Matthew 18:6).  I would much rather hold on to this scripture than to my unforgiveness.  Therefor, I would rather hang on to God than to my unforgiveness.  Hang on to my first love.  Something for me to think about the next time I feel wronged.

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